Late Night Diner Hot Sauce

Sitting at the counter of a Los Angeles area diner, I was trying to move a variety of items and clear out an eating space. There was a platter of cupcakes (initially I thought they were patriotic-themed, but I was scolded for my snap judgment) and the standard set if dinner condiments, including an overly large pepper mill. My mistake was touching the crown of the "Tapatío" brand hot sauce. Turns out, users of hot sauce can be a messy bunch, and the glass was sticky with a kind of filthy stickiness. Such is my life. The man on the bottle, I could swear, winked at me. Bastard.